Monday, April 4, 2011

Starting somewhere in the middle...

It was late fall of 2008 when I had just accepted a new job and was feeling (and acting) completely out of sorts.  I actually felt sick to my stomach with what I was sure was fear and adrenaline and raw emotion.  My husband and I were living on mainland Japan on a small Marine Corps Base.  We'd been married three years now and God had proven to know what was best for us by dropping us 6,000 miles away from anything we've ever known and asking us to trust HIM and lean on eachother.  It was the best thing that could've happened to our little family of two.  Both being pretty hot-headed and stubborn, but wildly passionate for just about everything, we were like fuel and explosion waiting to happen.  Sometimes the explosion was awesome and reaped some amazing progress in our relationship.  And sometimes it was completely the opposite, leaving me certain that I had made a mistake in thinking that this man was for me and I for him.  But that's where some bible studies I'd done in the past would play into the chemical reaction and the sparks would indeed burst into a million little peices, only to reveal a newer, happier "us".  I had learned that God did not create the holy sanction of marriage to make us "happy", but rather to make us "holy".  Yes, holy.  To make us realize where we are falling short in our part of producing the fruits of the spirit.  Where we are not "loving" as we are called to love, patiently, kindly, not envious, not bostful, etc.  So, in the farm country of Japan, we found eachother.  And, unknowingly, we were about to embark on the most amazing adventure of all, what God had had in mind the whole time.

Sunday morning I awoke feeling, yet again, queezy.  I had told Jay the night before that I was considering quitting this new job (that I'd prayed for).  I just din't think I could handle it and the stress was making me physically ill, which I didn't remember experiencing from any stress I'd faced in the past!  Even during college!  Yes, I needed to make a decision because my body was rejecting what my mind thought I could handle.

For the past year, we had also been trying to get pregnant.  Being a Mommy was the one job I was absolutely certain I could handle and I would adore.  It was what I felt God had put me on this earth to do!  I had grown up with nephews and a neice, the oldest born when I was seven.  I could SO handle this.  Needless to say, we had taken about 13 or so pregnancy tests which had all come back negative.  A doubtful "-" everytime that screamed at me, "you have not been chosen to bear a child. Try again".  Depressing doesn't begin to explain my emotions. 

So this Sunday morning I decided to employ the last preggo test in my box, for reasons I still can't remember.  I knew it would be negative and I wasn't sure why, in addition to the other stress I was obviously enduring, I was opening this door of certain emotional doom. 

Little jolts of energy pulsed and synapsed as I looked a the "+" staring back at me.  I grabbed the box and held the instructions up to the test I'd just taken to quadruplely check what I was pretty sure meant I was pregnant.  Let me interject here that before this moment, I scoffed at the need for actual instructions on a pregnancy test.  I mean, really?  Plus and minus...come on people.  But now, in my moment of sheer BLISS, and stupidity because bliss was actually swelling in my brain and choking off all other function, I needed the directions.

We were pregnant!  Oh my gosh I couldn't believe it!!!  I got ready for church in 30 minutes flat which, if you know me is beyond a record!!  I set up the video camera and sat Jay down on the couch to tell him.  I didn't want to miss one angle of his reaction.  He was elated!  When we told our family and friends (about 30 phone calls) we recorded that too!  Such typical first timers.  I knew it and didn't care!  Praise God!  We had been blessed with a life!  This was my calling! 

I had bought a journal about 2 months before to specifically record our prayers for parenthood.  Now, I went to that journal and began to record my praise for such an answered prayer.  The journal later morphed into a pregnancy log, to record first kicks, growth, and how Mommy was evidently killing Daddy with her overload of hormones.  Awesome!  Parenthood at it's finest!

Stationed where we were in Iwakuni, Japan, a pregnant "dependant" of an active duty service member had three options to deliver her baby: A. deliver out in town at a small "clinic" about 15 miles away, B. take an 8 hour train ride 4 weeks before delivery and hang out on the naval base awaiting dreaded contractions alone because your spouse has to stay and work and potentially not make it to you in time once labor does commence, or C. fly back to the states to deliver and again face the unknown of your spouse not making it in time.  We elected option A.  Since we were both working and I wasn't going to get maternity leave, I couldn't afford to waste my leave on the other two options.  So, we were going to have a baby in the heart of Japan's southern farm country...

1 comment:

  1. i love, LOVE having this window to your heart and even catching up on some of what I've missed in your life <3